“Oh cool, a new blog!” – said nobody, ever

I know what you’re thinking. Somebody needs to tell homegirl it’s 2018 and blogs are about as cool as snap bracelets.

I know. I know. Who writes a blog?

Me. I do. Also Bill Gates. And Beyonce.

I’m starting a blog/cool shiz website because I’ve been watching the slow decline of Facebook (or so all the younger millennials at my office tell me) and Instagram seems like a poor trade with lots of limitations. I don’t want to have to put a link in my bio in order to elaborate on a thought past x number of characters. It’s weird. I don’t like it.

I’ve always loved writing, but ever since I switched my major from Journalism in undergrad because fact checking, while necessary, was laaaaaame, nobody pays me to do it anymore. So I’ve been looking for an outlet to scratch that proverbial itch ever since. There are stories I want to tell and personal experiences I’d like to share, but I didn’t want to bombard people or force them to read things that don’t interest them by flooding their social media feeds with my brain nuggets.

So I began to look for a better solution. After doing some research and consulting with people much smarter than me, I landed on the idea for a website that’s a mix of a blog and other cool things from my life and the world around me that I think are worth sharing. I don’t know if people are going to read it or like it or pass it on, but I do know it’s going to be a little piece of me that I put out into the world for no other reason that because it’s fun. And honestly what’s the point of all this crap if we’re not having just a little bit of fun anymore.

Ok, so what about the name? Do you ACTUALLY eat candy for breakfast?

Well, yeah.

Also, no.

The name of the website is more figurative than literal. It stems from the fact that I spent my formative years thinking adults had all this shit figured out. They were confident, put together and we could look to them for all the answers.

Then I became an adult.

Maybe I missed the boat or didn’t get the memo or my manual is lost in the mail, but I will be the first to admit I know even less than I did as a kid and have exactly ZERO figured out. I spent all those years wishing to be an adult with all the answers and freedom to eat candy for breakfast and here I am, clueless as I sit in bed gnawing on a leftover Halloween fun-sized Milky Way at 6:27am wondering if I should even bother with eyeliner today.

Candy For Breakfast is born.

Alright, so what can I expect from this uncategorized website I just clicked on a link to because I’m afraid you’ll ask me if I did later?

I’m so glad you asked!

Some rules:

1. First off, this is NOT A MOM BLOG. I repeat, THIS IS NOT A MOM BLOG. I know exactly shit about shit when it comes to raising a kid. And while I know many mom blogs are about exactly that, I will not be posting about how crazy my life is on a weekly basis and how frantic mom life can be in a Cathy-comic esq fashion so we can all have a hearty laugh about how ridic parenting is. ACK!

We know raising a kid is ridiculous. It’s old news and I don’t think I have anything special to offer that you can’t read on one of the other 1,000 Momblobs out there. (Typo intentional.) 

So no, this is not a mom blog.

2. Yes, I am a mom. And as such, occasionally stuff about the little snot machine I birthed will sneak its way into my posts and stories. In my eyes Quinn is the cutest thing to grace this planet and is more fascinating than a Season One Stranger Things bingefest on crack, but I acknowledge that to you, dear readers (except for you mom – kidding, she’s not gonna read this), Quinn is just another basic kid being raised by another basic mom who both do basic stuff.

Except for the times when she does awesome stuff. I’ll tell you about that stuff.

3. As much as my husband has tried to break me of this, I swear. I swear like a smelly old sailor who stubbed his toe on an anchor and I do it a lot. HOWEVER, I am going to do my best to keep this site as curse word free has possible. That said, sometimes Fuck happens. There are occasions where no other word will do and I don’t want to rob you of the complete reading experience by censoring myself. So when Fuck happens, I want you to know I thought long and hard about it and decided to let it make an appearance for the greater good of the blog and humanity.

4. I have no “point of view” or shtick. Before I started this site, lots of people told me I needed to have a unique perspective or a general theme to build around.

Well fuck that. (see rule 3)

My site, much like my life, is ALL over the damn place. One week I’m committed to eating a clean diet by following Whole30 and the next I’m face down in a pile of purple buttercream frosting wondering where the weekend went. That’s how things go and I can’t pretend I’m anything other than a mix of a million thoughts and motivations at any one moment. There will be personal stories, photos, sketches done by yours truly, guest writers, trash talk and a probably a bunch of other things that will evolve as I go along. 

So I’m putting it all out there – raw, uncut and filter free. Yes, part of being in my industry means I’m adept at photoshop and marketing spin, but I promise you, dear readers, I’m going to hand you every unairbrushed pimple on a silver platter. That’s a double-decker metaphor sandwich, but I think we’re all on the same page here.

Well that’s all I have for now. Thanks for stopping by and taking a moment with me today. I look forward to spending some good, bad and blerg moments with you in the future.

Giddy up, Internet.